We are the ones they left behind
by IaMcHrIsSi
Summary: Leia and Mara are two young girls in the upper society of Coruscant. They are also extremely lonely. A look into how their lifes might have changed if they became friends.


The first time Leia Organa meets Mara Jade, neither are where they are supposed to be.

Leia is twelve, she is supposed to stay with her father, to learn about Coruscant and the Senate and _not to wander away under any circumstances._ Rebellious as she is, she of course decided to explore on her own, and that's how she ended up in the library.

She walks through the silent rooms, seeing all the holo pads in their shelves. There is an air of knowledge in the room, of wisdom, but also, and that confuses Leia, of overwhelming loss. She can't properly quantify it, doesn't _understand_ , but she knows it's there, and Leia Organa knows to trust her instincts.

It sits heavy on her mind, that feeling of loss, of tragedy. It's similar to the dark moods that sometimes come over Madam Sabe, when she remembers her sister, only less... personal. It feels as though something terrible happened to the whole galaxy, instead of just one woman.

Leia is so caught up in this feeling, in trying to understand it, that she doesn't see the other girl until she's literally stumbling over her. The other girl is sitting in a corner of one of the darker rooms, clutching a datapad to her chest with one hand, a vibro blade held in the other, her red hair sticking of her head wildly. There's a fierce look in her eyes, a bit like a trapped animal, that makes Leia want to scramble away immediately, even though the other girl can't be older than ten.

Mara, for her part, is supposed to help out Moff Tarkin. She's not entirely sure what the Emperor thought would happen when he ordered her to go to Moff Tarkin, but the Emperor is a wise man, so she went and tried her best. Moff Tarkin, however, decided that she was only a stupid child, and sent her away. That's how she ended up going to the library.

She likes the library. All that concentrated knowledge in one place, all those books she'll never read... there is something comforting about it, about knowing that so much information is here, even though she knows the Emperor doesn't like her going here.

She'd been reading a history of Naboo, the birth planet of the Emperor, when this stupid other girl fell over her. She'd hoped that perhaps the Emperor won't be angry if she reads about him.

Well, now that's irrelevant. The girl, a brunette human maybe two years older than Mara, is looking at her with fear in her eyes. The Emperor says it's good to be feared, that it's the only way to be respected, but somehow, Mara doesn't want to everyone to look at her like the girl does. She prefers to be invisible.

Slowly, she lowers the vibro blade. She's not entirely sure why she pulled it out in the first place. The Emperor wants her to be able to take care of herself, and he had her trained to use it, but really, who would attack anyone in the library of the Senate?

The other girl doesn't move. She's wearing white, like many of the secret rebels do, the Emperor told Mara all about it. They think they're being subtle when they dress in white, claiming they just like the color or whatever, but the Emperor's onto them.

Mara likes black. The Emperor wants her to wear grey, so that she blends in better among those who wear uniforms, so she doesn't get to wear black often, but whenever Mara gets to choose for herself, she wears only the darkest things she can find.

Anyway. The girl in front of her is slowly moving into a more comfortable position, not getting up yet. She still hasn't said a word. Is Mara supposed to say something? She's not used to saying something first. Usually, she only answers when people ask her things.

Finally, after what feels like an eternity, the other girl clears her throat and speaks.

"I'm sorry for falling over you. I didn't see you there. Are you hurt?" The girls voice is mature, and her pronunciation is very precise, with a slight lilt to it that makes Mara think of Alderaan. Probably a rich girl that came with the Alderaani senator, maybe even one of the princesses.

The girl is still staring at Mara. After a moment, she realizes that the other girl expects her to answer the question.

"I'm okay." She says, and it comes out more forceful than she intended. Mara almost flinches, expecting a sharp reprimand, but the girl just nods slowly.

"My name is Leia." The girl tells Mara, and that's the name of the Crown Princess of Alderaan, isn't it? Mara learned about it in her lessons. She always pays attention in her lessons, that's what makes the Emperor like her.

"Princess." Mara says, quickly enough that the other girl doesn't look at her as she did before, as if Mara is slow or stupid or something.

"What's your name?" The princess asks, and Mara blinks. Should she tell her? The Emperor is sure that Bail Organa is an enemy, that he supports the terrorists who want to destroy the galaxy, which means that Leia Organa is an enemy, too. Does that mean Mara should lie?

But there is something about actually being asked for her name, of this princess somehow caring to know at least that much about Mara, that makes her want to tell the truth. So she does.

"Mara." She says, and the princess nods. Mara tries to get a feeling of her intentions, like the Emperor taught her to do, but it's... difficult. Somehow, she can't read this girl at all.

The Emperor won't like that. Mara will have to practice harder.

"Please call me Leia." The Princess... _Leia_ , says, and Mara swallows. She opens her mouth, but before she can say anything more, can properly react, a voice calls from the other side of the room.

"Princess Leia?" It's a woman's voice, well educated, like the princess, but without the slight Alderaani accent. Instead, it sounds like the woman is Nabooian.

"Madam Sabe." The Princess... Leia says, pulling a slight grimace, before sighing deeply and getting up to walk towards the woman. Before she leaves the room, she looks at Mara.

"It was nice meeting you, Mara." She says, and something tells Mara that that's not a lie.

The next time Leia sees Mara, they don't talk. Mara is walking behind the Emperor, a proud look on her face to be allowed to be so openly with him, and Leia stands with her father, no less proud to be his heir.

They are on opposite sides, and they both know it. That doesn't stop Leia from smiling at Mara, even though Mara pretends to ignore it.

* * *

When Leia is fourteen, she officially becomes her fathers aide. It means that she spends a lot more time on Coruscant, smiling and lying through her teeth, pretending to support the Empire even though she wants nothing more than to tear it down.

It also means that she can go to the Senate library more often.

Not that they don't have libraries on Alderaan, they do, wonderful ones, some that are specialized in things like astronomy or politics or fairy tales, some that are huge and old, some that only feature paper books and some that are just plain beautiful, but something about the Senate library of Coruscant draws Leia in. She thinks it's the melancholy of the place, that heavy feeling she gets whenever she is there.

Maybe it's the company, though, because when Leia is in the library, there is a pretty good chance she'll see Mara. The other girl, called Lady Mara at court, pretends not to notice her at first, but eventually she starts greeting Leia when they see each other, and that's something.

It doesn't make Leia miss Winter any less, but still. It's not nothing.

One day, Leia decides that this whole not talking thing is stupid. Yes, Mara is her enemy, but Mara is also two years younger than her (she asked around, so she knows at least that much) and that a twelve-year-old isn't the same as some adult imperial idiot.

And anyway, they're the two youngest girls around. Everyone else is way older, so it would be stupid if they didn't talk to each other.

So, Leia takes the holo novel she's just finished reading and walks over to Mara. Mara looks up to her, a brief flash of something, maybe surprise, maybe fear, maybe something completely different, darkening her green eyes before she clears her face of any emotions.

Leia takes a deep breath. She knows how to do this. She knows how to be nice, how to be polite, how to build connections. She's always had a talent for it, and even if she hadn't, her parents would have taught her. It's an important skill for a future queen, after all.

"I really liked this one. I don't know what you prefer to read, but I thought I'd just recommend this novel to you anyway." She says with a smile, and holds the data pad out to Mara.

Mara looks at it for a moment, then looks at Leia, and then takes the data pad. She inspects it, even though Leia's not sure what exactly Mara is looking for, and then she nods slowly.

"Thank you." Mara says, a bit formally, with something of a grimace that looks as though she is trying to smile, so there's that.

The next time they meet, Mara awkwardly shoves a history of Nabooian queens at Leia before fleeing, and Leia counts it as a win.

* * *

It's strange, sitting in the library with Leia Organa, and just... talking. When they meet in the Senate, or at the court, they mostly just ignore each other, or are overtly polite, because they _are_ on different sides on so many things, and that's blindingly obvious when they are outside, but here, in the calm of the library, they can... kind of ignore all that.

They can just be two girls who like books.

They can laugh about that terrible romance novel, they can discuss the politics of some long dead philosopher, they can talk about the histories of the senate and several planets. They can just... talk.

It's nice to have someone who values Mara's opinions. Not that the Emperor doesn't care for her, but... the teachers are, well, teachers, they explain things, but they are so much older and wiser than her, they just tell her things. They don't discuss them.

Leia does, though. Leia asks her what she thought, and lets her formulate her thoughts even when Mara just rambles on for ages. Leia actually engages Mara's arguments, and _listens_.

It's... nice.

Not that Mara has all that much time for it, really. She has to steal her time in the library, has to be the best at poison making and hand to hand combat and dancing and lying and all the other things the Emperor wants her to learn so that they let her go early, that they let her have a bit time for herself, but she does it all happily, because at some point, time with Leia in the library became something that is important to her, so important that she doesn't want to give it up, ever.

Leia has her own work, of course, helping her father in the senate, preparing law proposals and doing diplomatic missions and visiting her mother, but when she has time, she comes to the library. Mara thinks that Leia misses her, as well, even though she knows that on Alderaan, Leia has a sister, and probably friends, too.

They don't really talk about politics. Not about current ones, at least. Sometimes they talk about the past, but never the recent past, only things that happened centuries before. It's rather interesting, and Mara finds herself agreeing to a lot of things Leia says.

She doesn't tell the Emperor about it. He wouldn't understand, she thinks.

* * *

Sometimes, Leia makes up elaborate plans in her head, about how she is going to save Mara Jade from the Emperor, and take her to Alderaan and introduce her to Winter and Mama and everyone, and how everything is going to be okay.

They're flights of fancy, of course, because the Emperor would be furious if someone helped Mara get away, and anyway, Mara would need to want it first, would need to realize that the Emperor is just using her, would need to realize that the abuse, both psychological, and, Leia suspects, physical, _is not kriffing okay_. And that's not going to happen, at least not anytime soon.

She'd thought of just talking about it with Mara, of just openly telling her that Palpatine is an ass, but she suspects it would make Mara run for the hills, and she doesn't want to loose her best friend.

So she just talks about books, and hopes that her support is enough for Mara, that she can actually help Mara this way, because someone needs to help Mara, and Leia is, as far as she knows, the only one who can and will.

Sometimes, she looks at Mara and sees Winter. They are surprisingly similar, with their tendency to act almost detached from their emotions sometimes, and Leia knows that both of those girls feel so very deeply, even when they don't want to admit to it. It's... interesting. Leia can hide her emotions, as well, but never among friends, never among family.

She talks about Mara with her father, who agrees that Mara needs help, but doesn't really have any ideas as to how, either. It's the strangest thing, to know that her Papa honestly doesn't know what to do, either.

* * *

Mara is invited to the party the Alderaani embassy throws when Leia officially becomes the Alderaani senator. She's not sure why, or what to do with it, because she doesn't even know anyone from the Alderaani faction outside of Leia, and all they do is exchange books every now and then, and maybe talk about the books a bit, when they have time, but that's not often because Mara trains almost every waking hour now, preparing to finally go on real missions for the Emperor, and anyway...

Anyway. Mara is invited. Even though everyone knows that she is belongs to the Emperors personal favorites. And she decides to go because it's always good to build contacts, and because the Alderaani are suspicious and this is an easy way to get into the Alderaani embassy and, maybe, because she wants to.

She doesn't tell the Emperor that, and it makes her feel terrible, because the Emperor is wise and good and the closest thing she has to family and she owes it to him to tell him about things like this, but there is a small, small part of her that insists that she keep this secret, that this one thing is something the Emperor shouldn't know, and for some reason, probably the same reason she keeps going to the library and talks about books with Leia, she listens to that part of her.

So, well. There she is. Dressed up for the fancy party, wearing a black dress that she picked out herself, standing awkwardly in the corner because nobody actually trusts her enough to talk to her. Mara knows how to handle herself in court, she knows how to seduce a Moff or kill a traitor, but this party, in this place, where she doesn't have any other objective than being at the party... it unsettles her.

"I'm happy you came." Leia says suddenly from right next to her. Mara flinches. She hadn't seen or felt Leia come closer, and that's something that still intrigues her years later, because even now she can't truly read the princess of Alderaan.

"You invited me." Mara says, and eyes Leia suspiciously. Leia is wearing white again. Mara knows it's a symbol, like most of the things that Leia does, but she is starting to think that it might also genuinely be Leia's favorite color.

"Of course I did! You're my friend!" Leia says, smiling brightly, and then excuses herself as some Chandrilan dignitary calls her name over the noise of the room.

Mara is … well, she's not reeling, not exactly, but... she's never had a friend. Friends are people that are just waiting to stab you in the back, that's what the Emperor says, and anyway, she doesn't need a friend, she's the Emperors favored, his best weapon.

And isn't Leia an enemy, really? Mara knows that Leia has sympathies for the rebels, she knows that Bail Organa is almost certainly financing the terrorists that destroyed a weapons facility only last month. Doesn't that make Leia her opponent, someone Mara should work to destroy?

But... that doesn't change the fact that Leia is always kind to Mara. It doesn't change the fact that Leia knows what books Mara likes, that Leia has a nice sort of humor and actually asked after Mara's birthday. Not that Mara celebrates her birthday, it's a sentimental thing that only distracts from the really important things in her life as the Emperors future hand, but, still. It had been nice.

Mara _wants_ Leia to be her friend, she realizes. She _wants_ to talk to Leia, to share her secrets and to laugh together. She _wants_ all of this. And that's more terrifying than anything else in Mara's life.

* * *

When she meets Mara in a dirty bar on some outer rim planet, Leia's first instinct is to shoot her old friend. Her second instinct is to hug her and tell her she's missed her. She does neither.

Leia's there to get some information out of a reluctant informant, and she guesses that Mara is supposed to kill said informant. She's always known that that was Mara's job, that her old friend is Palpatine's personal assassin, but somehow... somehow that had never felt real before.

As it turns out, the informant is a bust anyway, doesn't know a thing they don't already know, and Leia gets ready to signal Evaan so they can get out of there when Mara slips into her booth.

Leia glares at her. The rational part of her brain knows that Alderaan wasn't Mara's fault, that Mara never had a choice, and she remembers how she made crazy plans of getting Mara out of there, but Leia isn't always rational anymore. There's a part of her, a deeper, darker part, the one she hides from everyone because they need to see the perfect princess, that wants to tear Mara apart, that wants to kill this woman who probably still sings the Emperor praises, who wants to hurt and maim and...

"I'm... I'm so, so sorry." Mara whispers. Leia can hardly hear her over the music and the chatter of the other patrons, but somehow, the words calm something inside of her. She still glares at Mara, though, and then feels guilty for it when she sees Mara flinch.

She can't quite form the words _it wasn't your fault,_ but she says: "Tarkin was insane." and Mara breathes in a way that Leia knows means she's relieved.

"I'll see you around." Mara says, and Leia knows it's a promise, and she knows it's desperate hope because she _knows_ that Mara doesn't really have anyone but her, and suddenly her anger is almost completely gone, and she puts her hand over Mara's.

"I hope so." She says, and Mara's smile, as small and hesitant as it is, could light up an entire star system.

* * *

They don't meet all that often anymore, now that they are so openly on different sides, but Mara secretly relishes every single meeting. They don't always have the time or the opportunity to talk, but Leia will smile at her across the room, a silent assurance that she is still alive, still there, that she still _cares_ , and it will be the best thing that happens to Mara for months, almost better than the Emperors praises.

She's with two men most of the time, Leia. Mara looked them both up, of course. Luke Skywalker, the man who shot down the Death Star, former farmboy turned pilot and rebel hero. The Emperor and Vader both want him dead, but Mara thinks she can see why Leia likes him. And Han Solo, smuggler and former imperial officer, kicked out for speaking up against a superior. He's only ever mentioned as a way to get to Skywalker or Leia, so there's not that much information on him, but Mara knows that he has a Wookie best friend who apparently fought in the Clone Wars.

It's strange to think of them as Leia's companions, but Leia... Leia has always been a bit strange. And she lost so much.

Sometimes, when they meet, Leia hints at the fact that the rebels would take Mara if she wanted. Mara tends to ignore that, because... because the Emperor is wise and strong and he knows what he's doing, and even if Leia is a rebel and she's not a bad person that can't mean that they are all like that, because otherwise...

Mara just can't think about it. Not really. Not when the Emperor is so kind to her, when he favors her and protects her and raised her. To join the rebels, to betray him like that... she can't do it, she _won't_ do it.

Leia never presses the issue though, so Mara can mostly ignore it.

Of course, she doesn't tell the Emperor about these meetings. They're just... not relevant, really. Nothing happens. She doesn't capture Leia, or her friends, and they don't try to capture her. It's nothing that should concern the Emperor.

* * *

There are days Leia wonders about her friendship with Mara. When she learns that the informant she was looking for was killed by the Emperors hand, or that an alliance fell apart because the Emperor somehow found out about it.

And then there are days like this one, when she doesn't wonder and instead is just happy to have Mara, even if the circumstances might not be the best.

They are on the Outer Rim somewhere, on a planet that Leia can't even properly pronounce, and she's tried, she really did. It was supposed to be an easy thing, just her and Luke to pick up some information, and Leia suspects that High Command only send her because the thought she could use a bit fresh air or something like that.

Anyway. It was supposed to be easy. But of kriffing course, it never freaking is. So now, her and Luke are pinned down in some greasy bar by kriffing Hutts, and their ammunition is running out, and that's when Leia sees her.

Red-gold hair catches the sun for just a moment before she jumps into the fight, her magenta lightsaber cutting through the thugs effortlessly. It doesn't even truly look like she's fighting, more like she's dancing, and the Hutts are just in the way of things.

It makes Leia wonder, about who Mara would be if the Emperor hadn't taken her and forced her to be his personal soldier.

When a soldier creeps up behind her friend, Leia doesn't think about it, just shoots him over Mara's shoulder. Mara looks a bit surprised, but she smiles, a feral smile that Leia returns.

"I was in the neighborhood." Mara says nonchalantly later, when they are making their way to the port. "You looked like you needed help." She's trying to make it sound like it is no big deal, as though this happens every day, but it doesn't, and they both know it.

Hell, even Luke knows it. He's been staring at Mara for the past two hours, when he thinks nobody is looking, and seems rather in awe of her. Leia thinks it's cute.

"Thank you." She tells Mara, and makes sure to look her in the eyes as she says it. Mara almost wants to look away, still afraid of any contact that goes to deep, but Leia doesn't let her. She wants Mara to know how much this means to her.

When they part ways, Leia hugs her old friend. Mara is stiff for a moment, but eventually hugs her back, and Leia can't stop smiling for the rest of the day.

* * *

The breaking point is, rather ironically, on a city of clouds. It's a beautiful place, Bespin, just like Alderaan was, and Mara has never been able to forget about Alderaan, never been able to really ignore the fact that her master, the man who raised her, was happy when it was destroyed.

It's not pressuring Calrissian that makes Mara's stomach turn. She's done this before, countless times, blackmailed people into helping her, into supporting the Empire. It's not Vader's cruelty, either, she's used to that by now, grew up around it.

It's not even torturing Solo, who she knows is the man her best friend loves, even though she stays away from that as far as she can, because she's not sure she could ever look Leia in the eye again if she watched what they are doing to Solo.

It's Leia's scream, the moment she knows that Solo can't hear her anymore. She just... screams, a terrible sound, not even words but just... something breaks inside of Mara when she hears that scream, and it doesn't mend again, and somehow, she knows it's never going to heal again.

Suddenly, she can't stay with the Emperor anymore, can't support what he's doing anymore, even when he favored her, when he gave her so much, even when she spend her life looking up to him... somehow, suddenly, none of that matters anymore.

The Emperor orders her to go to the Wookie, to make him talk, and Mara... Mara _refuses_. She has never done so before, never dared to ignore an order, but now she actively tells him she's not going to do it.

What he does to her hurts more than anything she's ever experienced, more than anything she's ever dreamed of. He... he is in her _brain,_ turning everything over, trying to find everything and erase it and ….

And then it's over. Something snaps, something that she will only weeks later realize was their force bond, and Mara is free, more free than she has ever been in her life, and suddenly there are so many things she can do, and...

She grabs her lightsaber, and her blaster, and her knives, and hides. She is pretty sure her being free is not what the Emperor wanted to happen, and anyway, she's got things to plan, so she should stay out of sight and find out what happened.

What happened is apparently that Skywalker came to rescue Leia and Solo and the Wookie, and Solo was frozen in carbonite, and now Leia is supposed to be brought to the Core, to the Emperor. Mara can't let that happen.

When she opens Leia's cell, there is a dark, dark look on her friends face, and Mara doesn't know how to fix it, she doesn't know if it can be fixed, so she does the only thing she can think of. She hugs her friend.

"Is that place in the rebellion still free for me?" She asks, and Leia nods, a look of fierce determination in her eyes. Mara grins.

"Then lets get you out of here."


End file.
